Read a text from my babe that said she wants to be a fan for me as much as I’m a fan for her, and all it did was hit home the fact that she has no idea why I chose her. I feel like as my girl, she should be my biggest fan and flaunt my dopeness daily, even if I’m not doing a god damned thing. Like, “Look at those pictures on the wall! My baby did that, didn’t she! 😍”. Simple shot. Nothingness. Things that come as naturally as breathing.
I realized that maybe she thinks I’m around because of what she’s doing as opposed to who she is. I’m her biggest fan, as I should be, but it has nothing to do with her company…or the intelligence that she tries her best to always put at the forefront…or her looks…definitely not any money that she has or may have to come. I’m a fan of the way she sleeps. The way she always gets things caught in her eyes. I’m a fan of the way she walks when nobody is around to pay attention. The way she doesn’t know her way around the kitchen but will do her damndest to convince anyone that she does. I’m a fan of the way she says miscellaneous incorrectly and the way she does everything just so. Like the way she mixes her coffee and cream. The way she puts ice in a cup. The way she eats chicken.
I’m a fan of HER. Who she is, who she may become, and who I see her as. I’ll be her biggest fan whether she’s running a billion dollar empire or quitting her job because she’s decided to become a poet. I’ll stan for her whether she’s in the boardroom or in the bedroom blowing her nose for the 100th time that morning. That is why I chose her.
That is what I want in return. I want a fan regardless of what I’m doing or how I’m doing it. I want someone who makes it clear that I’m the most amazing person on the planet to them. That’s the only thing I’ve had in other relationships that o don’t seem to have here. I have women who are avid fans of me and no matter how hard I try to get rid of them, I doubt if they’ll ever fully go away. And although I didn’t feel the same about them, I now understand why they’re still around as much as I allow them to be. If things needed with Kim and I, I would still support everything that she does because of my belief in her natural dopeness. I guess that’s where ALL of the difference lies.