Stress exacerbates my attitude greatly and makes it nearly impossible for me to deal with. So when I get to Kim’s office today and they wanna discuss this whole budget situation, I should’ve left then. A little thing about me: I hate explaining myself. I’ll do it once, only as a necessity for communication. Anything beyond that causes me to check out. For that reason, I always keep myself in positions where I don’t have to deal with it. Unless I ask for an opinion, I make my decisions based on MY thoughts on a matter. That’s every decision in every situation, period.
I learned at an early age to keep my own conscience in all things, and that’s how I do it. So when Kim’s bookkeeper is explaining to me how the idea of over budgeting is somehow asinine, as it would mean possibly having to go on and adjust the budget…my first thought was, isn’t that your job? So when I check out, considering I fully explained my opinion on the matter to Kim last night, and I say “Whatever works for y’all and y’all’s company”, now both people are looking at me like I have an attitude.
First things first, I get an instant attitude when people’s choices center around choosing whatever option equates to less work. That annoys me. If your JOB includes duties A-Z, you do (or at least remain prepared to do) duties A-Z because that’s your damn job. So, of you had to go through the budget next year and adjust some items…fucking do that. Second, if you don’t like the idea of something, don’t do it. It’s that simple. So if the bookkeeper and owner have discussed the idea of something and they both hate the idea for whatever reason, it’s not something you should do. It’s never necessary to ask questions about it simply to argue YOUR point further. Just toss it. Simple. So no, I’m not gonna go back and forth about why the idea makes sense for being growth-minded, I’m just gonna restate that it’s not my company, so do as you may.
Because that’s what it comes down to: as much as I support Kim’s company, it’s not mine. I’ll never have an actual stake in it. So my opinion will always be a moot point. Therefore, I have to remember to start keeping my opinion to myself. Taking the time to even give my opinion gives me a vested interest, and that makes me worry more about what happens next when I shouldn’t. I just don’t like the idea of seeing my other half not progressing the way that she should. Everything in me says that not bringing April on sooner was dodging a major bullet, only for Kim to bring her on anyway. So I’m hoping that my intuition is all the way off and things don’t play out the way I see them doing so. But either way, I have no choice but to help Kim pick up the pieces if they do.
That being said, I have to make a point to stay in my lane. It keeps me from being bothered by things that have nothing to do with me and it also allows me to focus on the PERSON that should be my priority, not the business. 2017’s only rule for me will consist of staying out of Kim’s office. If she wants to see me, she can come to my office…or meet me for lunch…or do a plethora of things that don’t involve me being in a space that I no longer feel comfortable in. I’ll let her enjoy her work wife and (once again) focus on building me and my brand. I guess that’s the only way I can’t lose.