I don’t know how to be a friend. I’ve always had the habit of treating friends like family, so I am unsure as to how to be just a friend and draw a line in the sand. So, I’m gonna share with you a recent story about my ‘friend’ for the sake of getting it off my chest. Cool? Cool.
So I met this girl at a pool hall my freshman year of college. She seemed nice enough but had a crush on me (for some strange reason) so I kinda avoided her. Over the span of about 6 months, she’d write me really cute poems, offer to take me on dates, and show up randomly as I was leaving class to bring me hand-picked flowers. Unfortunately, she was nowhere near my type. And I was too busy being in love with a douchebag to even notice her if she was. One day, she walks over to me to say hi in the pool hall, and proceeds to tell me that she found a new girl to love on and she’s over me so we can be friends now. Amused, I replied with some sarcastic comment and thus began an awesome friendship (weird, I know, but I like my friends off-kilter *shrugs*).
First sign of issues: Within a week of our newfound friendship, she asked to ‘borrow’ $75 because she needed new tires. Being a person who will pretty much give my last cent to anyone who shows need, I gave her the money and never thought about it again. About two years later, she wanted a camera for her birthday. I got her one but it wasn’t the one she wanted so she threw a fit saying that I didn’t really care about her, nor did I listen to her needs.I attributed it to her being hormonal. One the good end, when I got out of jail, she came to pick me up and took me to get something to eat as well as ensuring I had money in my pocket and a temporary phone since mine had been confiscated. I appreciated her for that, since everyone else pretty much ignored me. A year or two after that, when I was back on the up and up and back in the same city as her again, she texted me out of the blue. We hadn’t spoken in about 6-8 months, yet, her first text to me was “I need $50”. I was like wth??? Mind you, she could’ve had the money. I would’ve given it to her with no problem. But my stance was that we haven’t spoken in months and your first text is a ‘need’. I explained my side to her. She said that she felt our friendship was strong enough to not need all of the introductory shit -___-. We stopped talking.
Fast-forward to last year. We’ve both ‘grown’ and whatnot, so we began talking on the regular again. I’m enjoying having a person that I don’t mind around to talk about randomness with. Then I decide that she would be a great fit for the personal assistant position I have been desperately seeking to fill. I offer her the job and a GREAT salary, she says she’s on board. My program manager then reaches out to her to send an official offer letter: no response. A week later, he sends an email asking for her response and whether she had questions about the offer letter. Still, no response. Finally, I send her a text asking why she hadn’t returned the offer letter yet. She responds: ‘I was just about to call you. Need to know if you if you can fly me out and show me around the city and the business. This WOULD be me changing my whole life, ya know’. I almost lost my shit. First reason: the bitch spends her days picking up tree limbs for a living. Seriously. She gripes about her job ALL day EVERY day and yet, I offer her a job paying triple what her current job pays after she BEGS me to give her a chance! Second reason: communication is fucking important! If she wanted to have me bring her hear, all she had to do was ask that it be a part of her relocation package instead of completely ignoring my project manager for a week. Third reason: while I realize that some jobs fly you out for an onsite interview, etc, a personal assistant position is NOT one of those jobs!
Initially, I was livid, but for the sake of our friendship I decided to respond. I waited about an hour and said ‘No, I can’t pay for your trip here, but I’d be happy to host you if you’d like to come on your own dime’. Her response: ‘Can’t’. That’s all. No explanation…no CALL explaining her point of view…nothing. In the week since, there’s still been nothing. Maybe my idea of friendships (much like relationships) is skewed and I give people waaaayyyyy too much credit. That’s possible. But it seems like a reasonably decent person would at least make a point to have a conversation about what they’re seeking, what they can do on their end, and how to-at the very least-keep the friendship on good terms whether they took the job or not. She hasn’t said anything and I am incredibly disappointed. I know that I could call or text her and force us to talk about the issue, but why should I??? Why should I coerce a person who obviously doesn’t care about our friendship into a conversation about repairing it. Why should I keep the job offer on the table in an attempt to help her create a bette life for herself when she obviously doesn’t want it?
So, another ‘friend’ bites the dust and reminds that I need to do a much better job of picking AND keeping people in my life. I need friends like me. I’ll work on that.