(dis)Loyalty

I am extremely protective of the people I love. Maybe even overly so. I could not care less about people I don’t love and their plights, but if someone even looks at someone I love the wrong way, I’m ready for war. That’s who I am as a lover, as family, and as a friend. So imagine how protective I am over my other half, who embodies all three of those titles. The thing about my other half, though, is that she is incredibly independent and doesn’t like being given unwarranted information or advice, so I tread very lightly with her and try to protect her from afar as much as possible. Today forced me into a situation where I was unsure whether to be upfront or stay behind and allow her to work this one out on her own.

Here’s what happened, my sweetie hired her ‘bestie’ to work for her. Now, she tried to hire this person last year but this person decided to work elsewhere. Happens. Here we are a year later and bestie is working for bae. Cool. The problem is, in paying attention, I’m concerned about bestie’s ability to be an actual asset to bae’s company. She is…unstable, to say the least, and I’m concerned that she doesn’t have the loyalty required to work for any startup, let alone bae’s. Either way, those have been my thoughts from the beginning but bae’s company isn’t mine to run so I left it alone. Until today, when I sat and listened to her explain to whomever would listen how she doesn’t get paid enough…how she needs more flexibility in her schedule and the ability to work from home when she wants to…how she needs to be surrounded by people who ‘actually know how to do their jobs’ (which instantly makes me side eye because…nvm).

As I’m listening, naturally I’m getting pissed. Mostly because bestie has only been a part of the company for a month, if not less. Secondly, because she was having this conversation with company employees…ON A COMPANY SPONSORED DAY TRIP!!! Third, she and I had already breached that convo a couple of days ago but I let it go. I paid attention to how, even with the other employees present being inebriated, nobody made the mistake of agreeing with her sentiments. Fact is, I watch bae work hard day and night to keep her company running smoothly. I watch her be the type of boss who works WITH her employees. I watch her go out of her way for everybody in her company and provide them with an awesome work environment so that they can feel appreciated at work.

And it wasn’t just bothersome to hear bestie saying those things as an employee. No. It bothered me much more to hear her say those things as a supposed friend. Like, how hard is it to be a decent friend to someone? Bae offered her a job when she was tired of her other one and she gets in the job and has the gall to show even an ounce of disloyalty??? And if she’s comfortable enough saying that to other employees, wtf is she saying to other people? It’s confusing to me because as a friend, the first thing you should want to do is support your friend and her vision, not complain about what that vision currently represents. If this is a real friendship, do MORE than what is required in order to help your friend (and eventually yourself) be successful. This is how white startups get so much farther ahead than those started by blacks (but that’s a WHOLE other post smh).

Needless to say, I took a moment to get it together and managed to get through the remainder of the day without too much of an attitude. I think lol. On the car ride home I mulled over the days events in order to decide what route would be the best one to take. I’ve decided to go with the ‘say nothing’ route. I chose this option for a few reasons: because I don’t want my sweetie to think I’m being unjustly critical toward her friend…because I don’t want her to become unjustly critical of her friend…and because it’s not my call to make either way. Bae feels that bestie is an asset, that’s why she brought her on. It isn’t my place to decide that she isn’t, bae will have to do that. And I have to believe that bae’s managerial prowess will allow her to see the potential problems set before her in a timely manner. Even if she doesn’t, I have to let my baby run her company her way, because she’s fully capable of doing so.

In the meantime, I’ll continue being decent toward both of bae’s besties (neither of which I particularly care for, but I digress) and I’ll work on cultivating the (good) friendships that I’ve managed to create over the years. I’ve always been a loner, but there have been times where I’ve wished that somebody would have given me a heads up about certain people or situations (my marriage, anyone???). I guess I just want to be sure my baby -shit, anybody I love really-doesn’t have to deal with things the hard way like I did.

 

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