The Who’s and the (Wise)

The Meyers-Briggs Personality Test is making a comeback (for some reason) and Huff Post wanted specific writers to give our opinion of it. Challenge accepted. I remember taking the test about 10 or 11 years ago in my general psych class but didn’t remember the results so I went to personality test site and took it again. I wasn’t surprised by the outcome and my ‘personality type’. According to the test, I’m INFP, aka, “The Idealist”. Here is the list of traits pertaining to this type-the positive first, of course:Screen Shot 2016-01-12 at 11.42.43 PM

…and the inevitable negatives: Screen Shot 2016-01-12 at 11.42.09 PM

Amazing (and a little scary) to think that a 63-question test could describe me so well. Apparently, my personality type makes up only 4% of the world’s population and I’m glad. Imagine if half the world was walking around as emotional wrecks who cared more about there people than themselves. I’m positive that all of the world’s finances would go into one big pot so that everyone could live comfortably and people who broke rules would be given 2nd, 3rd, and 12th chances lol. No, that could never work, but it’s interesting to think that some people do actually share such similar traits.

I’ve been thinking about my specific traits a lot actually, especially in regards to those of my partner. I’ve been racking my brain about how to love her. Trying not to be too much of this…too little of that…not being too needy…while also being vulnerable. Not being argumentative…while also holding my ground on things that matter to me. Trying to right the wrongs that I unintentionally founded our relationship on and be hers. But it isn’t working and her general disinterest is showing more everyday. For some reason, everything makes much more sense to me now. Between the conversations I’ve had with her and myself…I understand. I’m shutting down because I’m beginning to feel like I can’t share myself anymore…like I’m a bother…or otherwise in the way. But she is basically telling me and HAS told me from the beginning what she does and does not want.

The person that wooed me momentarily is the exception, not the rule, and she says more often than not that she can’t (read: won’t) be that person (to/for me) because she doesn’t have the time to allocate. She isn’t ready for a relationship with me and won’t plan for the future because, well, you never know what can happen. I agree. When you’re not planning on being with a person, per se, why mar your potential relationship roster with another notch? I feel like when you want someone, you act accordingly and that there is NO getting around that, whatsoever, so I have to take my own advice (for fucking once) and take into account what she is and ISN’T saying.I don’t know what the thought process is behind it, but she’s not open to or with me right now and I’m splayed on a table naked and freezing (that was dramatic, but you get it).

Our friendship will continue either way, and that non-confrontational personality trait will keep me from bothering to bring it up or asserting my real thoughts on the issue. Because I don’t like to debate about matters of the heart and I’ve already stated how the situation makes me feel. That being said, I’ll continue focusing on the aspects that I love about her and love her as much as she requires until she no longer requires it. Maybe I could have…or would have…been the woman for her had I made a point to meet and spend time with her when we first met. Unfortunately, I let my anxiety get the best of me and ruin what could have been perfect. No changing the past, though. I’ve enjoyed her…growing closer to her…and I’m sure that whenever she is ready, she will find or reconnect with the woman that she actually feels like she needs and is open to falling for.

Ugh! My heart aches. I hate the physical pain that accompanies love sometimes but I always appreciate the journey. Oh, and what else did I find about my personality type? Screen Shot 2016-01-12 at 11.29.12 PM

Lmfao! Yes…yes, indeed.


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