Do What, Exactly?

Today, I was told by my spiritual guide that I need to embrace being poor. Seriously. It took a ridiculous amount of mental fortitude to not blurt out ‘Now why the fuck would I do that?!?’. Here’s the thing, I’ve spent the past 6 months or so being pretty damn destitute so it’s definitely becoming my norm, but, to embrace it seems crazy, even to me. I’m not one of those people who’s happiness is only derived from expensive things. Yes, I love to travel, shop, and eat well, but in also equally happy sitting in the grass at the park with a sandwich. I feel like I’m so easily pleased that life can be great for me in whatever way in living it, so yo ’embrace’ my current level of poor is not something I have to think to do-I have no choice!

My advisor also made a point to focus a lot of our talk on my relationships-familial and otherwise. She talked about my being bound to Kim and the fact that she is assigned to me. I didn’t flinch. I had an idea of that based on how our relationship developed and progressed, but it wasn’t something I would ever have said aloud. She said that our connection causes us to have the need to be in tune in order to teach the heights we’re capable of in both personal and professional like and that is the part that scares me. 

Even in our likenesses, my partner and I are pretty far apart in terms of how life is generally lived and out levels of emotional participation. We work surprisingly well together, though. Getting in one another’s nerves, at times, but nothing too major. We typically don’t even argue, typically due to lack of interest in engaging in something so trivial. That being said, it seems as if we should be able to maneuver just fine, once we’re able to land on the same page, which may or may not occur in a timely manner. We shall see. 

Elena and I also discussed my health (damn near dying, do better, take care of yourself, blaaaaaahhhhh) and my career, or lack of correct direction in such. I consider that my spiritual advisor has never been wrong, but sometimes I wanna ask ‘where the hell are you getting this shit from?’. But I go to her because I trust her. Because my grandfather chose her. Because she has never been wrong. No need to even take her words with a grain of salt. 

Now, I’m left wondering a few things: how does one ’embrace’ the inability to financially care for oneself? How will my most recent ‘assignment’ manage? And what in the entire hell am I supposed to be doing with my life??? Maybe I’ve been right all along in my pursuit of Instagram chef fame! Probably not, but one can always dream…

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